How to write great wedding vows: 6 vow writing tips to honour your relationship

I love great marriage vows!

Amazing wedding vows capture each couple’s uniqueness; honouring each individual, and the relationship all while capturing the essence of their relationship.

I love when a couple just want to have fun and make fun of each other though I also love vows that mean something.  I call them kick-arse vows.So, I did some research into what behaviours and emotions make for successful marriages and thought it might be fun to come up with some wedding vows based on these points.  Obviously I have a lot of couples ask me how to write wedding vows, so here we go:

Bride and groom sitting in a tree with their puppy
Eloping is a low stress wedding option bring your A team and your partner and have some fun

Gratitude: Let your partner know that you’re grateful to have them in your life.

Saying something about how grateful you are that they are in your life makes your partner feel appreciated, which in turn makes them happy, and bonus, they’ll become more grateful that you’re in their life. It’ll create a nice little love-cycle.  When we’re expressing gratitude, we’re also expressing appreciation so we can’t ever take each other for granted.  An example wedding vow might go like this:

“I’m so grateful to have you in my life, and I promise I’ll show you every day just how lucky I feel that we’re doing life together.”

Bride and groom kissing under wedding arbour with white silk flowers and lake in the background
These two loved their fun filled wedding complete with ninja vows Fireball shots and laughing at each other along the way

Commitment: Add in a line that says you’re committed to that person and the marriage.

We all know there’ll be times that things aren’t all glowy and gorgeous.  Sometimes life throws some curve balls at us, and when we have a committed outlook, it means we’ll be there for the good, the bad and the ugly times.  If you both have this outlook, you’ll work on seeing each other as part of a united team, committed to each other’s well-being.  This actually creates an ‘us against the issue’ mentality, rather than a ‘you against me’ mentality which is so important.  A sample of this commitment in your wedding vows could be:

“I promise to stand by your side, shoulder to shoulder through all that life may throw at us, the good, the bad and the ugly.  Together, we make an amazing team and we’re always stronger together.”

A smiling bride and her to smiling bridemaids each holding Australian native bouquets
A Sandstone Point elopement with all fun of a relaxed back yard wedding

Future Planning: Write something about your growth as individuals, and your relationship.

Marriage is mostly about the future planning and promising to keep the love and excitement alive with date nights, travelling and enjoying new experiences. Doing these things will mean that the relationship won’t fall into a rut.  When couples engage in interesting things together, research shows they’re happier.   Expressing this in your marriage vows is as simple as this:

“I promise to keep our love and passion alive, to never take you or our love for granted, and promise I will continue to surprise and challenge you in all our adventures.”

The groom in brown suit laughing as he holds the bride's colourful bouquet
You couldnt wipe the smile off Robs face as he finally married his love Claire

Support: Tell your partner that you’re their safe haven through the good and bad times.

This is all about being the other person’s ‘person’ – someone you can always rely on for support when you’re upset and when you’re happy.  Whatever happens you know your partner will have your back, even during those times you do make mistakes.   Writing wedding vows about your support might look like this:

“In marrying you today, I’m committing to you that whatever challenges you face, I’ll be your soft place to fall.  I’ve got your back just like I know you have mine.”

Bride and groom in a trash the dress shoot, wet and sitting in water just about to kiss
Have you thought about a trash the dress shoot I highly recommend

Autonomy: Individuality within any relationship is also super important

When we’re guilted or pressured into making decisions, our autonomy is lost, and research shows that we don’t like that. When we don’t really have a choice, we’re less fulfilled and less happy.  So yes, you’re a fabulous couple, but respecting each other’s individuality will give you more joy in your marriage.

“I promise to honour your decisions and choices, loving and respecting you as an individual, as I know you will for me. You’re an amazing human already and I’m excited to watch you grow to become your best possible self.”

Close up of bride wiping tears as the groom reads his vows
When your love bares his soul

Positivity: Let your partner know that you see them in a positive light, now and in the future.

No-one’s perfect, but if you focus of the other person’s flaws, chances are things might not go to well for the longevity of your relationship. In fact the number one killer of relationships is contempt. If you find yourself being contemptuous of your partner, you might have some work to do on your relationship – tell your partner you’ll always respect and appreciate them. Having this positive attitude will lead to greater relationship satisfaction.  Letting your partner know that they have your support as they grow and try to improve themselves is beneficial to your marriage.

 “I promise to always respect and admire you, loving and adoring the man you are today, and the man you’ll become in the future.”

The answer to all of lifes big questions

So, if you want to cheat: copy and paste each of these lines, add the legal line at the top, mention their name or nickname in there somewhere, add a few funny lines and bingo – kickarse vows. You’re welcome.

Lynette Maguire is a popular marriage celebrant based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland.  Lynette is also founder of national charity My Wedding Wish, gifting weddings to couples where one or both has a terminal or life limiting illness.