In 2023, I've been a Queensland marriage celebrant for over 22 years and there's not a lot that I haven't seen or heard. I've signed the paperwork on boats, planes, cruise ships, rocks, motorbikes and horses' butts. I've played dress up and loved cosplay weddings, learned scenes from movies (Think: The "Mawwiage" scene from Princess Bride), obliged when a couple asked if we could stand waist deep in the ocean for their ceremony ... so, overall, I've enjoyed a pretty amazing career of awesome weddings.
Because I'm naturally creative, I'm always after new ways or ideas that will provide a point of difference for my couples. Many prefer the traditional stuff, but for those wanting something different, this blog shares some ideas in the hope it will inspire you to think outside the box and really make your wedding your own.
Themed weddings are the bomb - that's me as the Incredible Hulk (I think the blonde curls might give it away) Photo: Images by Lou O'brien
1. Give your bouquet to the couple who've been married the longest
Have all the guests stand, ask those who have been married less than a day to sit (obviously the bridal couple), then ask those who’ve been married for less than a year to sit, then five years, then ten years and keep going until only one couple remain standing (You might need to get down to months and days if there’s a few couples remaining standing). But these are your people so without letting on, ask them for the date of their marriage, so you'll no the winner early. Then ask the winners what they what they think is the secret to the longevity of their marriage. Next, give them your bridal bouquet as a congratulations.
Give your flowers to the couple who've been married the longest
2. Are you creatives? Have the guests paint your portrait
Get your favourite picture of the two of you and print it out to a size where it’s easy to see. Divide it into equal sized squares down and across. Supply paints, brushes, water and aprons and allocate a square to each guest (or couple). Your new portrait can take pride of place in your home and will be a wonderful memory of your special day.
Have your guests paint your portrait - lots of fun and lots of laughs
3. Get the groom to make an entrance
Everyone expects a grand entrance from the bride, but what about the groom? Have him share in the fun by arriving in a helicopter (complete with James Bond music, suits and cool sunnies on the boys - What a hoot - no-one expects that), a water ski, boat, horse and anything unique. I've even had a few grooms arrive on a tractor for country weddings.
Have the groom arrive by helicopter
4. Games at the reception
Create your own quiz about your relationship, have the MC read the questions and pit the tables against each other to see who wins.
Have a couple's quiz at your wedding
5. Design your own cocktail
Create your own cocktail, name it and serve it at the reception. I'd call this one the 'Maguire Margarita Magic'
Create and name your own wedding cocktail
6. Hire a local artist to paint your ceremony while it’s happening – what a fabulous way to remember your day.
This is getting to be a thing. You hire an artist and they set up their easel and paints at the wedding and paint you getting married. Depending on who you hire, they probably take it back to their studio to put the finishing touches on it - but your guests get to watch as they paint in real time. Very cool.
Have a local artist paint or draw your ceremony or reception real time
7. Donate to a charity
Rather than giving favours to guests as a thank you, leave them a note saying you’ve made a donation to a charity on their behalf. This idea is popular for those couples keen to work on their social responsibility. Another idea is to donate your monetary gifts to the charity.
8. Are you having a photobooth?
Send guests their photos with your thank you card. It’ll put a smile on their dial! I love this idea because it'll remind them of the fun of your wedding day. I love photobooths and turn into a 3 year old.
Send your photobooth pictures to your guests with thank you notes
9. Want an alternative to the 3-course meal and alternate drop?
Have the food prepped and delivered to the tables so the guests can serve themselves creating a more intimate dining experience. Banquet style meals are becoming very popular.
Create an intimate family atmosphere
10. Want all the guests dancing?
When you send their wedding invitation, ask guests what songs would get them up on the dance floor. Then give the list to your DJ to play to ensure everyone dances.
Make sure your guests enjoy themselves at your reception
Got any awesome creative ideas for your wedding or reception? Let me know, I'd love to hear from you.
Looking for a marriage celebrant and not sure what questions to ask? Check out the 10 questions below to ensure you’re asking the right questions so that you choose the right celebrant to make your wedding day perfect
How long have you been registered?
Does it matter how long someone’s been registered as a marriage celebrant? Well that depends. If they’re newbies (and there’s nothing wrong with that – we all started somewhere), they won’t have the wealth of experience that a more experienced celebrant has. After a while you learn to think on your feet and know the best way to handle issues that might arise. However, if you’re keen on a newer celebrant, you may be able to negotiate their cost down, which is a bonus.
Jodie and Chris married by Tamborine Mountain marriage celebrant Lynette Maguire
How many weddings have you performed?
This question is important because let’s say the celebrant has been registered for five years and they’re done 50 weddings, that means they’re averaging 10 weddings a year, which in turn assumes that they are a hobby celebrant rather than a professional celebrant. Does that matter? Well, that’s up to you. Hobby celebrants are usually cheaper. As a benchmark, the average celebrant does about 5 – 10 weddings per year while professional celebrants can do anywhere up to 150 per annum and this equates to a big difference in experience levels.
Having the right celebrant is half the battle for a great wedding
How much do you charge as a marriage celebrant and what does it include?
Please never choose a celebrant on price alone. Trust me, that’s fraught with danger. There are basically three price points for marriage celebrants (though this is generalised and obviously changes according to regions). These costs are for a big white wedding, not elopements which are generally cheaper:
Up to $500 : The low end of the market - be careful how you choose your celebrant, don't do it just based on price
$500 - $950: This is what most marriage celebrants charge
$950 + : The high end of the market and usually an indicator that you’re dealing with a professional marriage celebrant (as in this is their main source of income)
But there’s other things to consider beside price. For instance, you might find an absolute gem that ticks all your boxes for $450, or you might hire a dud when you’ve paid over $1500 (I’ve heard horror stories). Paying a lot does not guarantee a fabulous celebrant. Do your homework on the marriage celebrants you’re interested in and listen to your gut instinct – that’s what it’s there for. I use gut instinct too, and because of it, have knocked back couples that I got queasy tummy flips. Ain’t nobody got time fo dat!
Toni and Kaine loved their beautiful wedding which was well priced, low fuss and high value
What’s your natural style as a celebrant?
Trying to be someone you’re not will make for a very inauthentic ceremony, and no-one wants that. Be clear on what style of wedding ceremony you want: romantic, emotional, quirky, hilarious, traditional – they all require different personalities. Try to find out the true personality of your celebrant and make sure you ‘click’.
You can do your homework in other ways, for example check the photographs they use to advertise. Most of my photos are of the couple, their wedding party and guests laughing because that reflects my natural style of ceremony. The other thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of people think that couples want all the gooey feely stuff which is just not true, so there’s a little bit of acting in this business!
Beautiful Elly married her man- they wanted fun vibes, DIY, country vibes
What’s the worst thing that’s happened to you at a wedding?
This is where question 1. becomes important. “What’s the worst thing that’s happened to you at a wedding?” is a pretty common question and I’ve got a few hilarious responses (seriously, I should right a book). Not everything always goes smoothly and it’s the way your wedding suppliers deal with what goes wrong that separates the wheat from the chaff. To be more precise, you could ask about your personal ‘worst fear’ at your wedding and ask that, eg. “What if it buckets down half-way through my ceremony?” or “What if someone has a medical issue during my ceremony?” (btw I've had both happen).
You’ll quickly get an idea of how your celebrant will react and whether you’d be happy with the reaction. Whatever their response is, it will help you choose your celebrant.
Jared and Dani wanted a classy, elegant wedding but still wanted loads of fun
As a marriage celebrant do you book more than one ceremony per day?
Some celebrants guarantee they only do one wedding a day and it really amuses me. You don’t need to be an administrative genius to work out the paperwork of more than one ceremony, but what your celebrant should do if she does more than one ceremony a day is work out the time allowed for each wedding and the time between ceremonies that will ensure there’s plenty of time to cater for those things that can go wrong: traffic jams, accidents, etc.
Let your celebrant know that if they do book another wedding on your day that you’d like to be notified so you can figure out if you’re comfortable with the timing and perhaps pre-negotiate a refund or partial refund when you originally chat to them. They might say no, but there’s no harm in trying. Every celebrant should have a good enough network to be able to call on another celebrant in an emergency (eg. covid).
Chantel and Kyle married in their beachside holiday apartment when one of the biggest storms drowned their dry wedding day option on the beach. This is rock paper scissors to see who goes first with vows
Eeeek ... Can you help with my wedding vows!
Most couples are clueless when it comes to writing their own vows because it's not something you do every day, so it’s important that you feel supported by your celebrant and be able to ask for help or be given some resources to help. I have a step by step process that’s almost foolproof for guaranteeing amazing wedding vows – check that your celebrant does too.
Molly and her lady Alexis married by Gold Coast Marriage Celebrant Lynette Maguire
What’s happens if I’m late?
I have a late fee so my couples are rarely late. Some marriage celebrants don’t. It’s good to know what you’re signing up for and if you plan your day carefully, you should be okay. If you’re going to be late, please let the celebrant know as soon as you can, and they’ll advise the guests and other wedding suppliers. Put the celebrant's number into your phone. Try not to be more than 10 minutes late though, it’s pretty rude and if it's hot (or cold, windy or wet) the celebrant has a duty of care to look after the guests, get them in the shade or undercover and out of the rain or wind.
One of my clear favourite weddings - We all had SO much fun at Clare and Robert's country wedding
I’d like to have a beer/champagne before the wedding, as a marriage celebrant, are you okay with that?
The law says that you can’t be intoxicated because you’re actually signing legal paperwork. Some celebrants don’t mind you having one or two drinks before you get married, other celebrants will refuse to marry you, and will go away for a few hours until you’ve ‘sobered up’. Check each celebrant’s rules on this. Because everyone is different with their response to alcohol I tell my couples if they can legally drive a car, they can legally sign the paperwork.
Tash and Teagan, two naturally fun women who adore each other - their wedding was all sorts of amazing, tender and loving, and bloody hilarious too
What happens if the marriage celebrant can’t make it on the day?
A professional celebrant will have a strong network of ‘locum celebrants’ so if something goes wrong, they can easily call a backup. Check that the celebrants you’re chatting to have this. Also, check the reviews of the celebrants you’re keen to talk to, there are a few who take multiple bookings on the same day and time, and then eventually ‘pick’ the one they most want to do, leaving couples scrambling and panicked. (This is across the board for wedding suppliers, eg. a venue may do this, preferring a wedding of 100 guests, and cancelling your booking for 40).
Don't have a meltdown if it rains on your wedding day - you can still have the wedding of your dreams
Lynette Maguire is a popular marriage celebrant on the Gold Coast and also servicing the Scenic Rim, and has seen and heard it all when it comes to weddings in south-east Queensland.
Amazing wedding vows capture each couple’s uniqueness; honouring each individual, and the relationship all while capturing the essence of their relationship.
I love when a couple just want to have fun and make fun of each other though I particularly love vows that mean something. I call them kick-arse vows. So, I did some research into what behaviours and emotions make for successful marriages and thought it might be fun to come up with some wedding vows based on these points. Obviously I have a lot of couples ask me how to write wedding vows, so here we go:
Eloping is a low stress wedding option - bring your A team and your partner and have some fun
Gratitude: Let your partner know that you’re grateful to have them in your life.
Saying something about how grateful you are that they are in your life makes your partner feel appreciated, which in turn makes them happy, and bonus, they’ll become more grateful that you’re in their life. It’ll create a nice little love-cycle. When we’re expressing gratitude, we’re also expressing appreciation so we can’t ever take each other for granted. An example wedding vow might go like this:
“I’m so grateful to have you in my life, and I promise I’ll show you every day just how lucky I feel that we’re doing life together.”
These two loved their fun filled wedding complete with ninja vows, Fireball shots and laughing at each other along the way
Commitment: Add in a line that says you’re committed to that person and the marriage.
We all know there’ll be times that things aren’t all glowy and gorgeous. Sometimes life throws some curve balls at us, and when we have a committed outlook, it means we’ll be there for the good, the bad and the ugly times. If you both have this outlook, you’ll work on seeing each other as part of a united team, committed to each other’s well-being. This actually creates an ‘us against the issue’ mentality, rather than a ‘you against me’ mentality which is so important. A sample of this commitment in your wedding vows could be:
“I promise to stand by your side, shoulder to shoulder through all that life may throw at us, the good, the bad and the ugly. Together, we make an amazing team and we're always stronger together.”
A back yard elopement with just a small number of guests means less stress
Future Planning: Write something about your growth as individuals, and your relationship.
Marriage is mostly about the future planning and promising to keep the love and excitement alive with date nights, travelling and enjoying new experiences. Doing these things will mean that the relationship won’t fall into a rut. When couples engage in interesting things together, research shows they’re happier. Expressing this in your marriage vows is as simple as this:
“I promise to keep our love and passion alive, to never take you or our love for granted, and promise I will continue to surprise and challenge you in all our adventures.”
You couldn't wipe the smile off Rob's face as he finally married his love, Claire
Support: Tell your partner that you’re their safe haven through the good and bad times.
This is all about being the other person’s ‘person’ - someone you can always rely on for support when you’re upset and when you’re happy. Whatever happens you know your partner will have your back, even during those times you do make mistakes. Writing wedding vows about your support might look like this:
“In marrying you today, I’m committing to you that whatever challenges you face, I’ll be your soft place to fall. I’ve got your back just like I know you have mine.”
Have you thought about a trash the dress shoot? I highly recommend.
Autonomy: Individuality within any relationship is also super important
When we’re guilted or pressured into making decisions, our autonomy is lost, and research shows that we don’t like that. When we don’t really have a choice, we’re less fulfilled and less happy. So yes, you’re a fabulous couple, but respecting each other’s individuality will give you more joy in your marriage.
“I promise to honour your decisions and choices, loving and respecting you as an individual, as I know you will for me. You're an amazing human already and I'm excited to watch you grow to become your best possible self."
When your love bares his soul ...
Positivity: Let your partner know that you see them in a positive light, now and in the future.
No-one’s perfect, but if you focus of the other person’s flaws, chances are things might not go to well for the longevity of your relationship. In fact the number one killer of relationships is contempt. If you find yourself being contemptuous of your partner, you might have some work to do on your relationship – tell your partner you’ll always respect and appreciate them. Having this positive attitude will lead to greater relationship satisfaction. Letting your partner know that they have your support as they grow and try to improve themselves is beneficial to your marriage.
“I promise to always respect and admire you, loving and adoring the man you are today, and the man you’ll become in the future.”
The answer to all of life's big questions
So, if you want to cheat: copy and paste each of these lines, add the legal line at the top, mention their name or nickname in there somewhere, add a few funny lines and bingo - kickarse vows. You're welcome.
Lynette Maguire is a popular and award winning marriage celebrant based at Tamborine Mountain, Queensland.
In my last blog I wrote about the fascinating research by Dr John Gottman who claims he can predict the success or failure of a marriage with over 90% accuracy. The negative behaviours which are deemed to be predictors to marriage success or failure are stonewalling, defensiveness, contempt and criticism.
My last blog touched on Contempt (the biggest badie), but what about the three others? Let's unpack them here:
Gottman studied the behaviours which can predict marriage success or failure
Stonewalling
Stonewalling is when one party dismisses the other party. I know this firsthand because my first husband was a Grade A stonewaller and it drove me nuts. When I’d approach him about something I wanted to talk about, I’d invariably be met with “Don’t start on me now,” if he sensed the subject might be controversial, have something to do with feelings or discussing problems, or hold him in a not so great light. Eventually, he needn’t have worried because I just stopped talking at all.
Men stonewall more than women, withdrawing from the interaction, closing into themselves and shutting down. They build an emotional wall between themselves and their partner and that’s not healthy.
However, when women stonewall, it’s a big predictor of divorce.
Stonewalling is something men do more often than women however if women stonewall, it's a big predictor of divorce
Defensiveness
Gottman defines defensiveness as, "self-protection in the form of righteous indignation or innocent victimhood in an attempt to ward off a perceived attack."
Thanks to Only You Forever , here are some sure-fire ways to put your spouse into a defensive mindset:
Use words or tone of voice that evaluates or judges the listener (“I see you are on your phone…again”)
Attempt to control or coerce the listener (“If you don’t put that down I am going to freak on you.”)
Strategic or manipulative communication (targeting, needling or guilting over it)
Neutral speech that conveys a lack of concern (#hairflip you’re on your phone again)
Implications of superiority
Dogmatism or certainty in your own opinion
Any behaviour that your spouse deems threatening or punishing
Loud or rapid speech
Frequent interruptions or corrections
Work on creating a more positive marriage culture
Criticism
Criticism which is meant to make your partner feels rejected, hurt or small is toxic to a loved-up relationship. Criticism is not to be confused with constructive criticism which doesn’t attack someone’s character but rather focuses on specific behaviours.
Constant criticism is a major predictor of divorce because it’s difficult to be around someone who is always pointing out your flaws and shortcomings. Over time, unconstructive criticism such as critiquing, disapproval, nitpicking and blaming erodes away any healthy areas of any relationship.
You are very critical of yourself when you make a mistake (i.e. what do you automatically tell yourself when you make a mistake?). If you are highly critical with yourself, then you are probably highly critical of others.
Your parents were highly critical and/or had high expectations.
You tend to be a perfectionist.
You tend to offer editorial commentary on others appearance, home, and choices.
Your loved ones tell you that you are critical.
You are easily offended and insulted.
It is easier to find fault than praise. You will find the flaw rather than the positive.
Even if your partner does 90% of a task, you focus on the 10% that is incomplete. You get preoccupied with how your partner didn’t complete the task to your liking, and you forget to focus on the value of your partner’s effort and help.
You micromanage. You have a hard time letting go. If your partner didn’t complete a task in your preferred way, you will go afterward and fix it to your liking.
You tend to view others’ mannerisms and behaviour as negative. As Steven Stosny jokes in his article about criticism, people will say “I give feedback; you’re critical. I’m firm; you’re stubborn. I’m flexible; you’re wishy-washy. I’m in touch with my feelings; you’re hysterical!”
There are four negative behaviours which can impact the success or failure of our relationships
If you recognise you or your partner in any of these four negative behaviours, you might want to think about working on it either by yourselves, (hey, recognising behaviour is the first step, right!) or head to a marriage counsellor. I know heaps, so shoot me an email and I’ll recommend someone fabulous. Sometimes it helps to have a third person who’s objective to point out behaviours which we’re not aware of and if we open ourselves to help, we might just save our marriage = worth it!
Tamborine Mountain marriage celebrant
Dr Lynette Maguire is a popular Marriage Celebrant on Tamborine Mountain and the Gold Coast, who is fascinated with people and behaviours which prompted her attaining her first degree majoring in Psychology, culminating in her PhD in 2015.
There's an art to creating and maintaining a happy marriage. Did you know that there’s been research conducted about the four behaviours which will determine the success or failure of a marriage (or, I’d hazard to guess, any relationship).
Just four behaviours! Any idea what they might be? What behaviour does your partner exhibit that triggers you? Or, perhaps look back at a past relationship - what behaviours brought down that relationship – not necessarily from your partner (they aren’t always the bad guys); what about your own behaviours?
Dr John Gottman who researches marital stability and divorce prediction, claims he can pick those relationships which will end up in divorce with a 90% accuracy!
Wow! Why don’t we know about this?
As a marriage celebrant of over 20 years, I’ve met and married literally thousands of couples, most of whom I’ve had good feelings about, but some of whom have triggered a gut-wrenching uneasiness. Funnily though, whether I knock the booking back or accept it, I can look back and find I was intuitively picking up the signs of marriage failure or success even before I learned about these four behaviours.
Okay, okay, I’ll stop with the suspense! This blog will cover the first of four negative behaviours to watch out for.
There are four negative behaviours which can impact the success or failure of our relationships
The one negative behaviour we need to watch out for
After watching hundreds of couples argue, Gottman found that the four predictors of failure in a marriage are contempt, criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling.
The nastiest of these negative communication patterns in a marriage? Contempt.
So, what does contempt look like? It’s mocking and treating your partner with disrespect. Eyerolling, hostile humour, name-calling, sneering … I’m sure you get the picture. These not so nice behaviours leave us feeling unloved, pained and judged.
Work on creating a more positive marriage culture
Don't despair!
If you recognise this behaviour in yourself or your partner, don’t despair. There’s still hope. Dr Gottman’s ability to predict divorce is contingent upon these negative behaviours not ever changing, so there’s time to change this around by working together on your “we-ness” your connectedness.
Remember back to when you first met! You adored each other, right? Work on getting that back.
Look at each other with rose-coloured glasses – be each other’s biggest fan and in doing so you’ll be creating a culture of appreciation and respect. If contempt has crept into your relationship, it’s a tell-tale sign that the culture of your relationship is no longer positive and nurturing. In fact, your relationship might be on pretty unstable grounds.
So, rather than looking for things to pick on, look for the positives: Catch your partner doing something good. Tell them you appreciate them. Thank them. Hug more. Touch more. Laugh more. Go on date nights. Work on having fun sex. Be truly intimate with your whole being. Approach your relationship as bipartisan rather than oppositional.
Have fun together - and always look for each other's positives.
In making a concerted effort to create a more positive marriage culture, you’ll both be happier and your relationship will blossom again.
About Dr Lynette Maguire: Dr Lynette Maguire is a popular Marriage Celebrant on the Gold Coast and Tamborine Mountain, who is fascinated with people and behaviours, prompting her to attain her first University degree majoring in Psychology (2010) and her PhD (2015). Lynette has been a marriage celebrant for over 20 years and is known for her genuine, high energy and fun, modern ceremonies.
